I truly appreciate you commenting on how you view my thoughts as being able to relate them to your own experiences. A lot of people on here, i feel like when they have something to say about the situation or my feelings or something along the lines of advice.. they never have actually felt the same themselves or never have had any sort of awful thinking. You make many good points, on relationships and focusing on creating satisfying situations... because most of my relationships, i have tendencies to basically just want sex and maybe i should change that and look for someone i actually enjoy spending time with. Some of the girls i currently talk too are almost like free prostitutes, i pick them up.. are with them for an hour.. fuck them and then drop them back off, And maybe that cycling is unhealthy. The thing i struggle with being in a relationship, is that i have a tendencies to get extremely bored with one person extremely fast.

A lot of my awful thoughts, such as murders and rape and such usually always contain some sort of sexual act before i mutilate them. I know that i am not even close to the only person out here that thinks this way.. there is this website called bestgore.com that i love to visit, when i am feeling overwhelmed with violent thoughts and such, and just being on that site and reading the comments show that i am not the only person that truly enjoys horrific things. I might be a little more sadistic, then some people but i do understand that i am not alone in my ways of thinking. Personally, i don't believe in god, or any sort of higher power.. but i do believe in evil, maybe not so much the devil but i do believe in works of evil. I see a lot more evil and think a lot more evil, then i have ever thought up lifting and happy shit.

Also, i truly dont know where to start.. cause truly the only things i enjoy doing in life are, drugs, alcohol, and having sex. Even when with people i love, and they are all having a great time, i find it extremely hard to enjoy myself. Unless im drinking heavily or on some sort of substance. Even then its almost like i just want to be isolated, not partake in anything but just sit there alone.. get fucked up and watch others have a good time around me. I am starting to think, that if i want to be truly happy in my life.. i think i need to make a drastic change for the better. I came on this website to i guess just be reminded, that i am not alone in my ways of thinking and it was extremely nice to be reassured that.

I truly appreciate, the time you took to let me know about your own feelings and experiences. It truly means a lot to me.