I read every word, and I almost feel like you are me. We're only a few years older than you, and I admit that my husband does enjoy giving me oral when we do have sex, but he has told me many times that he's just not that into sex, that it doesn't matter that much to him. He expects me to initiate nearly always and doesn't think that it should matter that he turns me down so often that I am afraid to- it feels even worse than not having sex to be rejected over and over. He gets angry when I talk about how the years of constant rejection have worn me down and him making sporadic and nominal efforts now doesn't immediately fix everything. He doesn't consider flirting and groping outside the bedroom to be initiation either- he wants a blatant request - "Lets fuck" or whatever.

He was not as into sex as me when we met, but I had no idea how far his interest would wane in his late 20s, while mine was only growing stronger; I have reached points of being so desperately burnt out from trying and being rejected where my own libido has completely shut down in self-defense. Then he gets upset with me because when I am in that state, I don't want to be touched. At all. I don't want hugs or affectionate touches. I definitely do not want to cuddle in bed. I don't want anything that will make me respond physically because it's too fucking painful. He acts like I am punishing him for lack of sex by withholding affection when he doesn't understand that he is quite literally torturing me. I have lain awake trying not to shake from crying, feeling a hard cock against my ass that I know I can't have- he has no problem getting erections either. I know he watches porn and jerks off. But having sex is just too much trouble or something, when we have our bad phases.

I'm in a slightly better state right now- sex twice in 2 weeks! Damn near miraculous! But I can never feel secure in it. I can never believe it will continue.