need some advice.

My Husband, (who, along with his ex, is 10yrs older than I am), met & married when I was 18. I'm a step-mom to a (now 34yo) step-son whom I met when he was 3, & I am also a L&D/Pediatrics Nursing supervisor.

I met his Daddy long after his parents divorced, as they split up when he was just 3 months old. His mother is a great mom & he lives in Fl. w/her while we live in Virginia. Despite the geographic distance, we were very involved in his up-bringing & visited as often as possible. We get along & co-parented very well together. We have even both stayed at one another's house when picking up/dropping him off, so that's always been very fortunate.

So, as a mom, a step-mom with a lot of experience as a Pediatrics Nursing supervisor, I commend you for not just being a great step-mom, but for carefully taking his feelings into consideration when deciding how to best expand your family.

First, I highly recommend family counseling, b/c that can help all of you learn the communication tools you need to navigate this issue together. He probably has deep & raw feelings that he doesn't even know how to articulate about the issue.

Second, taking his feelings into account means making sure that he feels heard, & validated, & addressing his concerns while helping him through this. It DOES NOT mean that you & your husband change your plans or cater your entire lives around what he wants. It IS a big lifestyle change for him, & it's your job to help him through that & to provide all of the reassurance he needs, but it is not his life to make those decisions for, & it isn't a good life lesson for him to think that he can have life the way he wants it on his terms.

If he were both your biological child you wouldn't scratch your plans for additional children to appease him, & you shouldn't do it now, either. I would hope & expect that his feelings may change after counseling, but if not, you & your husband make the best choices you can for your family, & then you guide your family through it. And just as you would with anything else in life, you face it & get through it together... as a family.

Your family is gonna be great no matter what, b/c you two sound like wonderful parents, & one day, when he's older & can appreciate everything you've done for him, he'll realize that, too. My best wishes to you, & I hope to see you in L&D soon!.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread