Thank you for giving me some actual advice. I understand what your saying. Like I mentioned elsewhere, it's the initial connection that's the issue for her. She has a sever case of self doubt and becomes so convinced she'll screw things up that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once she gets past that though, it's not an issue. She had a poly relationship where she had secure relationships with her other partners. The thing is that she wasn't the one that initiated those relationships so the self-doubt wasn't an issue. I know it's not my job to make her comfortable. It's just encouragement doesn't seem to be helping. I'm hoping there's a more active role I can take in helping her but I realize there may be nothing I can do.

Also for the record, I have no issue with it not being a triad. I've made that clear to my wife. I'm fine with her having a girlfriend separate from our relationship. Hell's bells, I've even told her that if she wanted to start a relationship with another guy she can. But it's her choice. I'll take a look at the things you suggested. See if that gives me any more information. If you have any more advice or resources I can look into, please let me know.