prior to having kids--I should investigate deeply my spouse's feelings or beliefs on intimacy/affection post-birth

and you think that will work? how would a woman know how she is going to be affected ahead of time? this is far less about "attitude" and much more about "biology" imo.

Nature knows that baby's very survival depends mainly on the mother. Nature didn't plan that under modern circumstances either. Nature also tries to create child spacing for the same reason, the survival of a dependent infant.

I think it's almost funny you actually think this stuff is a conscious choice that people make based on their attitude and totally dismiss the function these behaviors serve at a deeper level. We as humans might think we are smart, but much of our behavior isn't based solely on personal decision, it's more complex than that.