You tell yourself you’re stopping and you stop. That’s it.

I found this out when I was in trauma therapy and was compulsively checking my abusive ex partner’s social media. He was posting things to scare me. It was working. I checked compulsively in order to feel safe. It took over my life.

I cried and cried and told the therapist she didn’t understand and that it wasn’t as simple as just stopping and she wouldn’t treat someone with another obsessive compulsion like that. Like say hand-washing. She said, we do. We tell them to stop. No ifs, or buts. No excuses. You stop doing the thing that’s damaging you.

I never checked his social media again. I took back control. My anxiety levels dropped, my self-esteem was raised and I have so much more time in my life. I have achieved so many things because of that decision.

Your reasons for checking are different but it still stands: If you want to stop checking, stop. It really is as simple as telling yourself you will. You are wasting time, energy and dignity on this endeavour and trying to constantly dig up a relationship that was buried a long time ago.

The moment you stop, you create space for new stuff to come into your life.

Or, carry on checking their social media and wake up in the festive season staring 2020 in the face and realise your life is still stuck where it is now because you fixated on her and her boyfriend so much you forgot to work on your own life.

You’ve got this OP. Start today. Stop looking. No cheating.