I was in my room almost the entirety of last year. I was severely depressed, having intrusive thoughts (mostly suicidal) and would binge on porn / video games as band-aid solutions to the real issue. I was doing literally nothing.

The real issue was that I was constantly trying to run away from myself. I didn't really know why. I felt like I didn't deserve to enjoy things, or to have friends, and I didn't have the energy or desire to achieve anything.

When I was at my breaking point, which was not long ago, I realized something. I was constantly doing the same thing everyday. I was constantly making myself the victim. I was constantly labeling myself as depressed. Constantly giving up. I realized that it was a self-created cycle and one that I thought I was stuck in indefinitely. My mind and thoughts became my enemy, and I kept running away from them.

So, this is what I did to change:

I shut off my computer, and forced myself to get on a treadmill to run for an hour. I made myself do this every day and I hated it. But by the end of the first week, I felt different. I noticed running made me feel slightly better. I could feel my body again.

I also forced myself to read a chapter of a book every night (I tried to stick with self-help or something that was even the slightest bit interesting to me).

I downloaded an App on my iPhone called Breathe, for meditation. I forced myself to meditate after eating breakfast every morning.

I didn't want to do any of this.

Slowly, but surely, I started using my mind and thoughts to empower me rather than defeat me. These things started becoming habits and I felt like a new person. I realized how fucking powerful our minds are, and how that power can be used for us or against us, but ultimately, it's your mind, and you have that choice. You're in the control room. You have to take responsibility for your own health and happiness. You can't wait until you feel better, you can't wait for desire; you have to do what's best for you right now regardless of how you feel.

Start taking vitamins, fish-oil, magnesium, and if you have too, get on medicine as well.

You may not feel the desire to achieve anything right now, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way (its a shitty place to be, I know), but I would encourage to keep pushing forward: even if your thoughts are telling you no. Try creating a schedule, something very simple at first, with simple exercises, and stick with that for two weeks - I guarantee you will feel different, even if it's only a slight difference.

If I got myself out of this mess (and still working on it, but feeling way better about life rn) then I have faith that anyone can get out. It's not fun, but the only way out is through.