New to being Poly and having issues

You are trying to mix two very different things, poly and cuckolding, but your wife isn't interested in satisfying your hotwife kink. This is why this isn't working for you.

Your wife wants regular poly so you will have to accept that hotwifing will not happen, and decide if poly is still interesting for you. A hotwife kink only works when all parties agree on this set-up but your wife and the people she dates don't.

If you still want poly, your wife and you will have to date other people independently of each other, this would be parallell poly, or, you'll date a "third" together, this would be a poly triad. A triad however gets complicated by the fact that you want to use it for your kink. And your wife doesn't. Plus the third will most likely not agree either. So you have to separate your kink from polyamory.

Do not drive her to dates and wait around for hours until she is done. She wants poly, so her dates will be regular ones, her responsibility only, and you should not be involved and doing her favors. Instead, you should do something for yourself when she is dating. Date someone yourself, or find a hobby. What you want to happen (cuckolding) will not happen on her dates, and you need to accept that. But if she is poly, you are as well, and you could use this time to date on your side if you are interested, but if not, find something to do for you.

/r/polyamory Thread