Coming from a seasoned survivalist, I can tell you a thing or two about the outdoors. The first is that she's an unforgiving beast; the type to chew you up, spit you out, then eat what's left of you off the pavement. I'm the human version of nature. I'll rip your asshole apart, grab your lower intenstines and squeeze the shit all the way back up out your mouth like a tube of toothpaste. Then I'll drive a rusty dagger through your chest, rip your heart out and eat it, and proceed to fillet every one of your skinny ass little ribs. You probably put yourself in the category of an 'outdoorsman' just because you went to Bass Pro Shop and bought a shitty little tent and a couple of fishing poles. Get back to me once you've built a functioning trap out of nothing but leaves and a bit of fishing line you found inside a beer bottle in -30F weather. Get back to me after you used that trap to catch a bear. Get back to me after you've gutted that bear, cooked that bear, and ate that bear with a hand-crafted knife and a fire started by using a piece of ice to magnify sunlight onto a block of wood. Mother nature would gladly rip your ass apart like a toddler rummaging through a box of tissues, but it wouldn't even have to exert so much force as a pinky-press. Just when you think your ass-fucking is over with, she'll come back with a strap-on twice as long and a few of her guy friends as well and drill through every orifice in your body. Every fire you try to light will get rained on, every fish you catch will slip out of your hands, and every last animal you try to hunt will escape or make you the hunted. Your shitty flannel jacket won't do you any good, your 'altoids survival tin' is not going to save your life or even extend it by more than 10 seconds, and your cell phone will not get any reception. Even if it's not the cold that kills you, the lack of food will. Your shitty berry identification guide was printed in the 1930s with assloads of misinformation; not that it matters, you are too fucking stupid to use it properly anyways. Let me ask you something. Do you really think your Swiss Army Knife is sharp enough, hell, let alone big enough for the job of even preparing a squirrel? Since your fat ass would make far too much noise crunching in the leaves, the only animals you'd be able to catch are already dead. Since you are obviously inexperienced in preparing any form of food except premade overpriced MREs you bought off eBay to look like a 'cool military dude,' if you did find some roadkill you are the type of person to starve yourself rather than eat the 'icky animal.' I've been doing this shit for 15 years, so it's safe to say that I am an expert on it. Next time you try talking out your ass, you should pay attention to who you are talking to so you can avoid an embarrassment like this one.