You seem offended by my letter. Because you relate to what you perceive to be my counterpart’s side? I’ll grant you that the situation is confusing; it’s confused me for years. I didn’t think my rant was confusing, though. I thought I was clearly ranting about the fact that I tried talking, over and over, for years, and my attempts to communicate about our relationship were rejected. I can’t have a discussion by myself.

If all my overtures were rejected, that would be pretty clear communication, even if there were no words. However, it was just my attempts to discuss relationship maintenance that were shut down. Most of my efforts to engage were clearly welcomed. The return effort has been a confusing roller coaster of heavy-investment and near-total-disengagement. In the periods of near-total disengagement, and with the certainty that if I reached out and asked to talk about how this makes me feel, I would just get stonewalled, I do want to check out. This is a declaration of my intention to walk away. Not that I owe anyone here this information, but I did actually send such a declaration a year ago. Although there was no concession to talk about relationship maintenance, the response was an intensified investment. So I didn’t walk away then. But inevitably, as I’ve come to understand with more data for pattern recognition, the investment vanished, then returned, ad nauseum. I’ve reached the end of my tolerance for this. But then, I’ve been here before, ready to walk, and I didn’t. It’s an unhealthy pattern, and I want to break it.

Also, this person is not my SO. Not in the common parlance anyway, wherein you would understand us to be bound by contract (legal, financial, biological, etc.), with attendant obligations and rights. Although this Other is Significant to me, I have no “right” to expect the consideration, effort, commitment, etc. promised in the aforementioned type of relationship. I can only request. I have no right to demand (That fact is more salient to me, but it also holds that I’m under no obligation to maintain a commitment in unhealthy circumstances wherein my needs are unmet and unacknowledged.). If my request is denied, the only thing for me is to accept. Sending this here when I’ve chosen not to impose it on the addressee grants me a release.

I do think it is common for people to anticipate the answers they would receive, if they were to ask, and in fear of those answers, shrink from asking. I agree with the common wisdom that it’s better to ask. One might be pleasantly surprised by the answer or forced to face a difficult truth, either of which help with forward motion. That is not why I don’t “talk.” Much experience, from actually asking and trying to talk, has told me that it would be futile and even counterproductive. Your admonishment did cause me to stop and consider whether I was overestimating the clarity of my complaint. Not here but when I was still attempting words.

However, I will insist that you have no right to gatekeep the Unsent Letters. Writing “dead letters” is the entire point of this sub, and if other people’s dead letters offend you, you should stay away from this space.