Accept that you are terrified and overwhelmed by lots of worries. Try to be polite to people for a while ,reading a detective novel made by Raymond Chandler and really study it ,like read articles about boundaries ,emotional abuse,and see them in the book,search for past memories were you was manipulated,you will find them,trust me,then slowly make your boundaries known to your colleagues,in a respectful way,no matter the consequences. People can be toxic so dont judge yourself too harshly.Some people feed off your naivety.

My last team leader ,the scenario,i as an trainee future-prospect and he as the leader,made him really happy and energetic,the perfect opportunity to convert me into his ultra-orthodox ways,to bad,when he shortly found out that im reading books that involves brothels and bad ideas about christianity,he turned terminator mode with me,manipulations and cruelties were on a daily basis,he created small flaws when i wasnt aware,like cutting wire alloy near the transmission wire or orders to get tools that arent where he points at,so he can criticize and gaslight me for his well-planned mistakes and deceptions ,he was a loud mouth in his ways,the result ? mean gossips about me spreaded to other groups we circled when we worked for the other client-companies. The funny thing is that he made mistakes fairly regular,rofl,one time an entire production line was stopped becouse he failed to see the alarm sensors,100 people took 1hr pause tho,Anyway,had 2 colleagues that were mocking my team leader and the entire firm in a scenario which they crafted and applied strangely effective manny times,i was the test subject which they presented me to the working community as a good but really emotionally damaged,spreaded open mockeries about our company management when our CTO wasnt present,either becouse he needed to piss or whatever ,anecdotes about bad judgement and idiots,our current department chiefs and my team leader werent forgotten,they were mocked by this 2 loyal urchins i worked with and the other entire IT department on the software site and,1of them,older,about 55,was really cool,military background,served on Bosnian War,knew how to play the guitar good and smoked cigarettes and dranked coffee like a madman,he worked as one too,imagine this, after work ,my team leader drove him home ,he steps out of the car,greet us good bye and rushes to his Carpentry workshop,there he take a bottle of whiskey and respect himself with 2 shots and saw wood for about 3-4 hours .