New puppy ate my wifes pants while she slept. (NSFW)-ish

I slept through a home invasion once, where the jackers came and pulled everyone else(they were all awake) out of the house at gun point. We were just beginning the trimming stage of a huge marijuana grow deep back into the mountains on a friends property.

The property owner was sitting on his porch with his shotgun when he observed a few sheriffs walking up the dirt road. He didn't raise his gun because.. who the hell does that when 3 sheriffs are walking up to you? They tell him to put his hands up, and he does. They then remove his weapon and tell the others in the house to clear out.

They all cleared out but one went out the back door and there was some chaos and yelling for him to show his hands and come out in the open. He eventually comes out with his hands up and they then zip tied them all on the porch and two other civilian dressed younger guys with guns drove a truck up and got out to guard them while the older "sheriff" guys went and pulled all the remaining plants and began to load the truck outside.

These guys supposedly spent almost an hour rifling through the house collecting all the guns, they took our backpacks, all the weed we had trimmed, they literally took everything. In the beginning of all of this before the two civilian dressed gunmen came up the road, my friends thought "meh, no biggie.. we have our medicinal cannabis recommendations, we're within our plant limitations.. they'll be out of here soon. Might need a lawyer but it's not anything to really sweat"

Once the two younger guys came up plain dressed, my friends knew we'd been bamboozled. Apparently when they did their initial sweep of the house, one of the guys came out and said "There's a big guy sleeping in one of those rooms" The older guys in charge sent one of the younger guys in to keep a gun on me and their orders were "If he wakes up and gets crazy, do what you gotta do."

Fortunately I sleep like a muthafuckin bear(I used to be a conductor and engineer for a freight railroad, learning to sleep on loud trains became necessary). When I finally woke up it was to my friend D jumping on the foot of the mattress yelling my name. I'm almost certain I could sleep through a puppy chewing the ass out of my pants.

The wildest thing about this whole story was one of the guys whose bag was stolen realized his iPhone was in it. We drove to a neighbors who had the internet and after he made a call to customer support he was able to log into iCloud and track his phone.

We were literally watching a blip on a map traveling down the mountain highway road. The guy's house we were at was a HA, and had some of his brothers intercept them. I cannot go into much more detail but I will say that those guys didn't end up with what they took from us, and the small amount of what was recovered before everyone had to take off in a hurry from that scene(bystander yelled "the police have been called") was so insignificant that it was just donated to the clubhouse for the efforts those couple biker guys put forth.

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