That's completely fair and something I suspected was the case. I really don't have the life experience to give you any proper advice. But I do respect the discipline, hard work, and motivation you have for yourself to be able to commit to and support your family. That kind of sacrifice is, in my eyes, the definition of grace. I hope you receive love from your family because you clearly hold a lot of love for them. Life is always changing and this moment is not every moment. Sometimes, one small thing can make a big impact. A new job, a new weekend hangout, a new friend, a new pet.... maybe things are desperate financially, maybe you just need a treat yourself day, maybe you just need a trip to spa to feel pampered, or maybe the thought of that waste disgusts you. I still think it sounds like it's the social environment around you, not necessarily family, but your comment about the fake smiles, makes me really think you are in a toxic work environment and it would be a tragedy for your family to lose someone as loving as you all because of some assholes at work. If they really love you, they'll support you finding a new job. If you have to keep that job.... Go camping alone and don't invite anyone but those most close to you who give real smiles.

It pains me to see you hurting, but I hope that joy comes to you soon. Remember, we can only experience joy through the contrast of sorrow. Your sadness now is only so great because you have been so happy before and this sadness now, will only make any future happiness all the sweeter. A bitter drink with dinner makes dessert all the sweeter. Hope you get some happines, Loftizle. Your name makes me smile, so in a way, today you made me happy.