I have taken a dozen drugs in the past for severe tremor, many of them anti-seizure medications. I had this exact experience on Primidone, which made me realize once and for all, to my core, that depression and mental illness truly are diseases. I had to go off that drug to save my life, and thank God I knew that depression was a side effect and had the presence of mind to work with my neurologist to wean off the drug. The effects of severe depression can be subtle, numbing, and terrifying. You feel inhuman, already dead, even. Not yourself, like you could never find yourself or happiness again. The chemical switch is qualitative and very real, like succumbing to a slow and demonic poison that estranges you from your loved ones and your own reflection.

Society also should be far more aware that the pharmaceutical solutions that we present for sufferers of neurological or psychological conditions carry their own burdens and risks, and sometimes these are very heavy indeed. The experience shook me so much I doubt I will ever touch an anti-tremor drug again. For me, severe clinical depression was far worse than disability.