I tracked down my mother after being separated for about 25-27 years. For all that time, the only image of her that I had was of a women covered in a chadour (Iranian Islamic female dress). There was no face. Nothing. Whenever I would do research about Iran and would see young Iranian women wearing a chadour, I had an image of a timeless/unaging women in my head. For 25 years that is all I had in my head. I never thought about the effects of time on her (or anyone for that matter). I thought that time had stopped for her and it would resume when I would meet her. When I saw her, she had the look of a person defeated by grief and anguish. I could not communicate with her because I do not speak Farsi and she does not speak a word of English. And I could not tell her why I would not ever be able to see her in person.
I am ashamed to say that I wish I had never looked for her because once I found her, I did not realize that I was not going to be able to actually see her in person. Possibly never. I am not allowed to visit Iran (no diplomatic relationship between my country of Canada and my birth country) because Iran does not recognize dual citizenship and to this day the government has it out for my father's side of the family. My uncle died in the infamous Iranian Evin (sp?) prison after getting us out of the country, my grandfather was killed by the Republican Guard for some reason I never understood, and my father was imprisoned and tortured.
So I am here being the world's shittiest son due to circumstances that are 1) beyond my control and 2) I have no relationship with.
The silver lining in this is that she thought we were dead for about 25 years.
Please do not tell me that I can go to Iran. I do not want to visit that country one bit: I am an atheist, childfree, etc that would mark me for a lot of trouble as soon as I set foot on the ground there. And even if I did, I have promised my siblings I would not because of how unsafe it is for Canadian-Iranians. And lastly, I have been outspoken about Iranian clerics and the shit they get away with in Iran. I stupidly did the last one when I thought I was never going to find any family in Iran.