salam, he may have used the wrong wordings, but I don't believe /u/nashir1 was trying to bash you.

I lived something very similar to your current situation (I pray that Allah SWT bless and protect your family...May your dad see the gem your mom is and rectify his behavior).

First of all, mistreating your spouse is a simple NO NO NO---and doing it in front of the kids is the worst. My dad was my hero pretty much all my life. However, me and my siblings noticed later on (when I was about your age) the way he treated our mom. He was never physical, but rather being dismissive of her, etc ... It enraged us. My mom would speak about it; my dad, never. Well, we logically came to our mom's defense after seeing his actions and hearing our mom's side of the issues.

Unfortunately, less than 1 year before my dad passed away (may Allah have mercy on his soul), maybe during his last illness, he confided to me the pressure and stress, not to use the word hell, my mom put him under all those years. and honestly, it came as an avalanche. My siblings and I were dumbfounded...and we literally see now a glimpse of what daddy went through. That's another topic.

Yes, my dad was always amazing to us. yes, he mistreated our mom-which was wrong of him. yes, my mom sacrificed herself for her kids for so many years (that's one reason we were blinsided and too quick to judge). But truth is my mom was never the only victim.

All I'm trying to state is that even though we see something, there is always a side we are unaware of. I really see my younger self in your post. However, May Allah Azawajjal protect your family. May your dad and your mom find love and mercy once again. You're at that age you could approach them both. May Allah SWT bless you with the strength to unite them.