Have you had any difficult nights since your mom died? I ask only because the difficult moments help us move on. When we desire something to make us feel better, we're in effect denying that difficulty.

I am so sorry for your pain, it's so much more than I can fathom. You need more than the typical leaver, you need a shoulder to cry on, a good friend to tell you everything will be ok, and a therapist to help your mom's life give you passion and drive. You can turn the feelings of dread into productivity, because in a way your mom's death is meant to have you become more of your mother. Once you fully see this and what it means for you personally, the pain may become more of a force for you to live better.

Everything's going to be ok. I tried to say helpful things but I fear I didn't do well enough and I only didn't delete this before posting because I truly care about you, AbusedWarlock.

I hope tonight you have the strength to stay who you are, a beautiful person. I'm here if you need me.