I will consider anyone accepting to talk to me as a friend at this point, since I've never had a full on or even just a normal conversation with someone

I had only one friend who eventually changed and became like one of the classmates, even though he no longer acknowledges me, i feel happy for him that he made it in life and became more sociable

However I will never be able to do that because I'm extremely socially awkward and even when I try to get out of my comfort zone I get nothing in return, or I get turned down by people

My classmates always treat everyone "different" from them in the worst way possible, they don't bully me, but they never give me the chance to be able to talk to them, which made trying to socialize hard for me.

Anyone who for some reason wants talks to me is like a sign of hope, because having a real friend is the best feeling I can have, and I would like to have that feeling back

The feeling of being able to talk to someone and share your experiences together knowing that he's always there for you

But that feeling is long gone, and now I don't feel pain, I just feel dead and I have no fucking hope and desire in returning because I know I won't make it