I have no more hope.

Now you have driven yourself to the point where suicide is the only thing that can 'pay for' all that guilt. Like maybe you don't deserve to live stuff?

No. I wasn't clear. My desire for death has nothing to do with spiritual problems. It's something else, and I've long ago decided to stop fioghting it. It's not at all that I feel I don't deserve to live. Rather, i just want this existence to end for entirely different reasons.

Do you ever blame the way that you were taught religion as the cause of this soul killing guilt?

No. because I was taught religeon is an act of love towards God....that he is loving and jsut....my failure is not his fault.

Instead you blame God

I will never, ever, ever blame God for anything. It isn't his fault....it's mine,, if it's anyone's at all.

When you say "I'm just not a good person" I bet the truth of it is that you have never been a bad one either. You say "evil and selfish" but someone who is really evil would laugh in your face since it is unlikely that you have ever done anything evil at all.

I don't feel remorse. If i let myself and all my bad parts, run unchecked, I'd kill people for the fun. The only reason I don't is cause god checks that part....i guess. not sure. Everyone's evil....just God helps some.

Two things you should know and remember.

1: See a therapist who will wash away much of the confusion and enable you to enjoy life while being yourself.

and

Have faith in a loving God.

Therapists screwed me over, and didn't help no matter how spiritual. I can't have anymore faith. I gve up..

Thank you so much. I jsut really needed to talk to someone.

/r/Christianity Thread Parent