Hello, thank you for you cheerful answer !

I have one bad news... It 4AM and I just woke up from one of my worst nightmare in a very long time, involving my very close family in a very bad way. I had to yell in real life to wake up.

I had some bad nightmares of that kind before (once I became Christian) and it happened each time I took some drastical decision that I thought were for the best but those nightmare made me doubt each time if I was doing it with Christ or not.

This makes me wonder about the world of the occult and the demonic, it seems so real.... it seems always there when something is very wrong.

I mentionned to be wary of the unexpected in my post. Maybe this nightmare was due to me being mentally on a try-"hard" (haha) mode. But now I feel like giving up, or becoming once again more modest in my pursuing.

Maybe this is a call back to modesty. I don't think people can give me any advice on this one...

So I am still leaving post, which sums up pretty well my desires and struggles as of today, but I really need to evaluate what happened to me. Those kind of nightmares always happened and critical moments of my christian life. I don't like it.

It's still 4AM here , I will ask r/christianity about this tomorrow. On one side, it's not a big deal, it is just a very bad nightmare. But on the other side, it always happened at critical moments. So I start to be scared. And I always took back my decision.

For instance, last times it happened was when I tried to model what I knew to be Christ as closely as possible. Mentally I completly blocked my bad thoughts and tried to act more closely in communion with God. But maybe I was deceived. I was on a 'try hard' mode, it wasn't comming from the heart and maybe my motivations were those of the flesh. So that nightmare made me stop being so hard on myself and the nightmare ceased as well.

Well I certainely didn't want to bring bad news on this post that soon. I am not making up any stories.

As for now, i will go back to bed :) good night.