Great question, I would really try and figure it out. As far as the kink goes, hopefully we would have talked about it first. All of these comments have been really eye opening and I get it, honestly, like I said I'm not religious, but I grew up in a very religious area, and I have friends who ran into the exact things you mentioned, and they turned out fine, went to the doctor, figured it out. Yeah things take time, it's not quick. But you've got to figure shit out sometimes, it just takes more work. I know everyone here thinks I'm ignorant or whatever, but I've seen it many many many times work out, I've also seen it fail. I've also seen marriages work out after having sex before marriage, and I've also seen some fail. I don't think there is a catch all... Unfortunately.