He’s probably scared. If you have truly made it clear to him and he’s not responding, he’s probably scared shitless. If you’ve been in therapy for years and it hasn’t helped your tendencies, I’m sure he feels just as helpless. You can’t rely on others to believe you or make you find a reason to keep living. That’s up to you to find and for you to figure out. There’s no magic solving button and there is no fix it solution. It takes effort and energy to find reasons to keep going. I struggle every day too, but if I kept telling my significant other every day with no hope in sight, I’m sure my so might feel just as hopeless. This message very much seems like your mind is set, and there’s no hope for a future and you want him to address how horrible a future without you would be. No one wants to have to address something like that and I’m sure it’s killing him on the inside.

It’s incredibly selfish to say and think that nobody cares if you die until you do. Nobody should every have to worry about the people they love dying. I never thought my father would die and I took him for granted my whole live. but eventually he did when I was 15. My life changed completely for the better and for the worse because now I understood true loneliness. I don’t wish that fate upon anybody and it’s most of the reason I don’t go through with my tendencies. That and a small but true faith in the universe and positivity. I believe a little positivity, even forced, can go miles.