Huh. When you say it like that even the abuse becomes sensible

That's pretty fucked up. How is the abuse and hatred the Dursley's heaped on Harry justified? Everything they resent him for is either not his fault or is a result of their direct misteatment of him.

For an example, the snake accident, telaportation and hair regrowing all happened because of the established dynamics in the household. Vernon and Petunia not only allowed Dudley to bully Harry, but also encouraged it. If Dudley didn't push Harry over in an attempt to bully him, the snake accident wouldn't have happened. Same thing with Harry’s telaportation; it happened because Harry was terrified of getting hurt by Dudley's gang. And, if Petunia didn't want to deal with Harry’s magic regarding his hair, then maybe she shouldn't have forced the issue when Harry was clearly unwilling.

The teacher's wig? It was accidental magic. Harry doesn't know how to control it. Why abuse a kid because they caused something unknowingly? Literally any reasonable adult who knew about magic would have tried to teach him self-control for everyone's sake.

Honestly, had Vernon and Petunia been better caregivers, none of the those situations would have happened.