Not diagnosed yet, but I'm sure it's vitiligo. I think it turned me to a ugly creepy freak.

I hear what youre saying, really. These are some of the things i repeat to myself when im having a bad day and fixate on the pale patches of skin on my face. Ive been frustrated with doctors who will instantly write me off for reasons like: "theres no cure", "i can hardly see it" or "youre white so its not so bad". Then theres the well meaning people who will regurgitate some bullshit about not eating "sour foods" or buying some special lotion or vitamin from their uncle in South America or India. The worst is "dont stress - it makes it worse". I even hate the word itself "vit-il-i-go".

The way I see it, you do what you can with what you have. I developed these spots in my late twenties, so i haven't been great at following my own advice. Sometimes it feels like i had enough problems and now this, but that's the nature of getting older. The bottomline is that we do look different from other people and the condition is rare enough to make you feel like a leper. Vitiligo is sort of a social disease where the pain comes from the fear of being isolated, rejected, judged. For me, its been helpful to say to myself that im not those people, i am myself. Vitiligo doesnt hurt me physically, only psychically. If i can get gird myself against the mental pain, all thats left is a person with depigmented spots. Which is nothing at all.

Im just saying that I think it's worth it to try living. Ive toyed with the idea of suicide as just a long sleep, but its not that. Its the absence of experience and sensation and thought. I dont believe in an afterlife, so i would be killing myself to spare others the pain of seeing me. And i think i hate the idea of killing myself over the opinions of some assholes i dont even know or like more than the spots.

As trite as it sounds, looking at the instagrams of people with vitiligo living their lives brings me back to perspective.

/r/Vitiligo Thread Parent Link - imgur.com