1/2
You sure as shit sound like an incel. Or maybe a MGTOW. One of that lot. Sorry, but I think you're full of shit.
That this is the assumption imo is fascinating to me. Going into quar I had a girl I’d been seeing with since Jan, broke up with her cause she kept trying to pressure me into meeting her parents and I didn’t feel strong enough about her to do that during a lockdown. Had multiple partners throughout 2019, I was bartending back then so I had the time to do shit like play the field. My last real girlfriend I was seeing from like mid 2018 until feb 2019 or so, broke it off with her cause I moved cities but we’re still friends, just hung out with her and her new BF a few days ago, they’re well.
I think people assume that any guy who is critical of how dating works and how the incel question develops automatically gets labeled an incel or mgtow because people in your camp need that to be true. It has to be true that I’m an incel because if I’m not, then what I’m saying might be coming from a place of experience and success, not a place of failure, which throws a wrench into your whole framework, which starts from the assumption that people who oppose your POV and your self help style doctrine don’t know what they are talking about. Assuming I’m an incel based on a few comments critical of your view is a convenient cliche you can use to justify disregarding my opinion rather than considering the possibility that your perspective on what a guy “should” do to overcome being an incel is wrong. Unfortunately most of your reply is based from the assumption that I don’t have sex so you spoke right past what I actually said and instead addressed your post to a theoretical incel who isn’t having sex and is also a total idiot and has never encountered basic self help concepts, which as I was trying to articulate above is a totally useless approach because you are failing to emphasize with the person you are attempting to coach, in this particular case because that person doesn’t actually exist.
I’ve had no problem attracting a partner from age 14 onwards, often my problem is actually that I don’t want to be tied down. Both my posts are trying to point out that this just grab it by the balls buck up no nonsense approach to the incel question is totally useless, because the root cause of inceldom is that most of them don’t see any utility in participating in society, and frankly, I don’t blame them, because the rewards are slim. If you were actually trying to understand rather than just jousting with the spectre of your own stunted sexuality, we could actually communicate. Which leads me to:
But fine, fuck it. Let's do this. Time to deal with the incel invasion. A&D, witness me.
Damn bro hope they see this.
Honestly out of all types of men you meet on reddit nothing is more sad than the type of man who unironically simps for “women” categorically. I read some of your post history and aside from being bog standard soy advice around dating, it’s also the type of grating contract dating advice shit like this
Well, that's the thing. I honestly believe that it's better to be honest. You can have two friends who are attracted to each other but don't act on it—because it'd never work out, or they work together, or they already have partners—without it collapsing into Drama. But everybody has to know what's going on. If one person is burying it, and the other is oblivious, that's when things go right to shit. The one who's burying it will go slowly insane until they explode, and when they do the other one will be shocked and hurt because their "friend" turned out to be something else. ... If everybody knows the deal, then they can assess whether they can actually be friends. Maybe they can, maybe they can't. Hell, maybe they can be FWB. But it'll be honest.
Which imo is hilarious and a perfect example of how the people who bitch the loudest about incels are almost always 1 wrung up the ladder in terms of their own success.
This type of contract-based dating is the outcome of tacitly accepting that women are unknowable and dating is a mystery. Redditors in places like incel tears or menslib latch on to this type of thing because they have a stunted social sense and have no ability to read whether or not a woman is flirting with them, so they just put everything out in the open immediately and hope that the woman picks up.
This is shitty for lot of reasons but one of the biggest ones is that it takes the romance out of romantics. I once said in an old ssc debate thread (about the incel question) that a male in his 20s should have a hit/miss ratio of about 1/3. Ie for every 3 women you directly ask “do you want to sleep with me/go out/etc” 1 should have long term gf potential. Users were shocked at the number and said its unrealistic but it’s not, if you are actually communicating with the woman. And I mean communicating with her in entirety; body language, intonation, etc, actually trying to understand how she feels, not just what she says. If you actually hear her, the “putting it out in the open” moment is just a formality, not this pen-ultimate make or break moment when you find out what she really means. The concept that dating is a conversation, where every statement is a prompt and every prompt is a statement, has been totally abandoned on places like Reddit because people like yourself have abandoned the concept of empathy.
The outcome of this type of thinking is rather than communicating with the woman in front of you, you just approach dating as trying to get with “women”, categorically, and this is the root to all sorts of fckery in dating. Your advice here stems from the fact that you have no idea how to hear a woman, ergo you just operate off women categorically, and as such dating is just a numbers game wherein getting there is just about shooting your shot and making sure you’re at the bar or wherever every week, cause eventually you might strike.
And that’s where this all goes. The advice boils down to “just get out there and do it” because you’ve tacitly accepted already that the theoretical incel just isn’t trying enough, because your intetnalized the idea that the only option for a man in the dating scene is to just put it all out there and hope somebody bites. The irony is that women actually hate this shit, they want the fun of romance and the mystique of having a shared secret, the only ones who really fuck with this “I’m just gonna be the best I am and shoot” type of dating shit are the ones that are hyper terrified of sexuality and ambiguity. But for psychologically sound women, the last thing they want is a guy who says
So will joining a gym, learning to fight (I mentioned combat sports for a reason), learning new skills, developing your earning abilities, cultivating your interests, pursuing your mission, all of that. You bitch about "practicing masculinity?" Guess what? That's exactly what you have to do. Get out there and practice. Become powerful, and unapologetic in your power.
But you aren't doing it for them. THAT'S THE TRICK. You're doing it for you. You're doing it because you'll be happier and healthier and livelier when you actually understand and embrace unapologetic unironic no-fooling balls-to-the-wall manhood.
And unironically believe it. Not because women want a fat slob or whatever, but because everybody can tell when somebody actually believe in their own masculinity, which runs way, way deeper than just doing a combat sport, and when somebody is attempting to create a new personna because the old one was not working.
The “and do it for you” shit is just the chaser that makes this wonky logic go down. Literally everything a person does, breath for breath, they are doing for themselves. The question is which self? Do I feed the self that wants to sit around and take bong rips all day? Or do I feed the superego self that demands that I “practice masculinity”, which you erroneously took to mean perform masculinity, or develop masculinity, which is bullshit that cannot be done. If you are male, you are a man, everything you do is “masculinity”, the incel crisis is that we have a whole generation of men who feel no pressure to develop a useful identity, which as I pointed out at the top, is not their fault because frankly there is no reason to do that except this bullshit “do it for yourself” logic, which is really just the logic of neoliberal alienation: the reason we need you to participate in this society is that we are holding your seretonnin hostage, join the combine and embrace a lifetime of pretending to like mma or suffer alone in a quiet room somewhere.
First: of course a lot of self-described incels don't have people who need or want them to succeed. They're friendless whiny guys with no mission in life. The fuck else would you expect? Again: acting chaotic and helpless doesn't work for men. This is the fucking Red Scare sub, have you ever even listened to the show? It's a big topic.
This is the red scare sub, have you ever listened to the show? The whole premise of the show is that this cultural moment is broken. I’m proposing we change that.