Spirituality, along with its beliefs & practices, is an extremely personal journey, you're the only person who can make up your mind about it & your mind will be made up then changed then flipped every which way over & over again the more you venture into it. There's also such an enormous amount of (oftentimes conflicting) information on this subject. There's so many different facets that overlap & theories, religions, beliefs, practices & perceptions that vary based on where, when & in what environment each of us grew up & evolved.
20 people can witness the same car accident & come away with 20 different accounts of what happened because our own vantage point is so unique to us. That's kind of how I look at spirituality as well - 20 people can read about the same ritual, paranormal account, religious text, or encounter the same spiritual event & come away with all different kinds of interpretations.
I'm kind of all over the place here but my advice would be to read up on the things that interest you most - whether it's occult rituals, gods & goddesses, eastern religions, light/dark magic, paganism, parallel universes, unlocking your subconscious mind, tulpas, ghost hunting, etc., etc., & question everything you read. Form your own conclusions & never take anyone's word as canon fact - decide for yourself.
No one is truly qualified to teach you these things because there's such an overwhelming amount of information that's so open for interpretation & everyone has their own biases. So no matter how well read someone is, they'd do you an injustice by regurgitating their own opinions to you - intentionally or unintentionally.
As for feeling confused, I think we all share that sentiment & I personally feel even more lost the further I venture into the rabbit hole. But that's part of being a curious human. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that extremely dumb & ignorant people think they know everything, put everyone else down, shut their minds off from ever learning anything new & refuse to ever change or update their opinions on anything.
Intelligent people become increasingly humbled by knowledge & wisdom as they accumulate it. Scientists with IQs that are so far off the charts they can't even be measured - who have come closer than anyone to finding groundbreaking answers about our universe - often speak very candidly about how little they understand & how overwhelmed they are with how much there is to learn.
I can tell by what you've written you're an inquisitive, thoughtful, intellectual person who will be able to form way more informed theories the more you read up on this genre & all its sub-genres than any self professed expert could ever teach you.
You're on the right track already - there's tons of paranormal & spiritual groups on reddit with tons of information & links to excellent forums, communities & online libraries.