This is not satire. This is the actual front page of HuffPost.

I disagree with the calories-in/out based on 10 years personal high-fat dieting experience. We've already exposed all the junk food companies paying off scientists to push narratives but for sone reason nobody wants to analyze what aspects of what they told us about nutrition are false. Think about it, why not teach everyone that all food is just calories? It's a lie and I can prove it. It's not calories in/out, it's food in your mouth, feces out of your ass, quite literally. When you eat high-fat, your shit literally becomes fatty and oily. Calories literally end up in the toilet. Does the label account for this? When you eat nothing but sugar, your shit turns into acidic pastey, sticky, hard lumps. All the calories are extracted because the food was so over processed. Speaking of processing, if we are measuring the amount of energy in food why do they not account for all the energy that is expended blending, cooking and pulverizing the food? Seems that the more energy expended in the processing allows for less expenditure in your body, thus more energy in processed foods than the labels recognize. I can go on and on and present mountains of evidence.

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