ufff... the justifying thing is everything althougi dont understand what u say.
lets ssay it this way. ur mind, anyones, needs to explain everything out, e v e r i t h i n g, or fucking everything or EVERYTHING, put it they way u wwant but jusst realise how ur mind iss doing it all the time. then u realise that that everything includes urself, ur mind is trying to explain u to itself, which is as true ass it iss nutss.
the mind describes to itself how u r bc it tries to describe to itself everything that sets its attention to. so if the mind looks at itself ( u ) and ssees sssomething there it says i am angry or bored or in pain or happy or wwhatever, it describes what it sees, which it is totaly unnecesary, why sshould it? the mind already knowws exactly, why does it need to name it?
after naming it, when it is unplesant whatever the mind "feels"or sees or sensses about itself, the mind tries to solve it, how? ussuly wwith netflix or name it however want, distraction, avoidance, entertainment, in the end by looking at something elsse (I am not critisising justt unfolding)
if the pressure of the "feeling bad" is too big or we read a book or hear a guru or follo some spiritual practice that says "dont hide ur pain, or accept it or embrace it or study it or listen to it" or anything in tht direcction we r fact bc we have to quit netflix and stay with the pain in the hope of understtaanding and so liberating us from it and hoppefuly elevate and awwakee and all that greedy bs.
now, when u stay with what u r, with that pain, anxiety, anger,hate (even if few people would accept that that is exactlly what is lurking in their inssides), wwhen u stay with that unpleasant things that i call "ugliness" in the posst, the energy is so intensse, so crazy, the repulsion and pain and rejection to that ugliness is so enormous,that the mind cannot hold it, and it just start giving it a name, explaining it out and why it feels that way so it understands.
now, all that is the justification, the avalanche of words tthat we throw at the thing so we can contain iit, dominate it, ccontroling it,.... and we call it undeerstanding when what wwe are actually doing is justifying, hidding, avoiding,.... netflix 2.0
as long as u have preferencess, likes and dislikes, u cannot look at your mind without ccreating distorsion or fooling urself. the day that u realise that u r chasing all the time, being in the material world or in the inner one, chasing wealth, love, happiness, experienecs, approval, attention, recognition, enlightenment, admiration, wisdom, anything, aand that that chasing and becoming is a fly awway from u, what u r, then u stop doing it. u sit down with urself and u dont need anything else, the run away has ended, and that is meditation, sitting down inwarddly, stopping tthe chase, the achieving.
then without preferences the whole thing of what u r unfolds in front of ur eyes, all ur ugliness, and it is magnificent, and it is u, and in that being seen without expplanation or justification that ugliness transformss itself without u doing anything and u beccome u just bc u stopped running away. u cannot ever imagine tthe beauty that lives underneath all ur ugliness, waiting for u to stop chasing the things that u r not and attract u so much.
i wrote yesterday about attraction and repulsiion in this other post; upside down