I’m so sorry for all the experiences you’ve described. While many of us have had to survive through far more than is acceptable, it sounds like you’ve had even more on top of that at a far younger age… and at the hands of those you needed to trust most. I can empathize but I can’t imagine.

It’s also rotten you had to deal with those deleted responses. The absolute opposite of what you need right now and that you deserve.

I’m glad you posted here. Being that open (even if on a burner account) isn’t easy and it tells me the pain is overwhelming right now and it needed to come out.

I’m not qualified to offer the support that you deserve right now. Besides this sub, there are other outlets that might be good to check out… places that are supportive and where maybe you can talk/type with people who will interact and focus on you. These may vary depending what country you’re in.

If not and there’s more you want to share, please do so in this thread. I suspect others will be here tonight who can chime in more helpfully than I can. And even if not, it’s important to vent more rather than holding it in. You obviously know that since you posted, but I can’t imagine the stress of containing all the feelings from these experiences day after day for years and years. Not all of us can do that and it’s a credit to your resilience.