There were many instances but these are ones that I get flashbacks of the most:

When I was 9 years old my dad would always take me to his friends place. His friends had kids, one of them was a few years younger than me. We played together and whatnot it was decent. Until the younger kid Karl started to act really inappropriate. He constantly touched my private parts and forcefully took off my clothes as a joke. I always went upstairs to tell the adults but they didn't take me seriously at all. The most they had done was look at Karl and say 'stop' and that's it. Finally I had the guts to tell my mom about it after a year and Children's Aid was contacted. They reported the family and when my dad found out he was really upset with me. He was angry because I was a troublemaker and a liar. I believed him.

A few years later I had a boy in my class that had a big crush on me. The issue was that I didn't really like him and he had some anger issues. So he'd repeatedly be all friendly with me and then ask me out. I'd say no. He'd throw a tantrum and call me a bitch, whore, etc. Throw my stuff around. Teachers got involved with it and didn't do very much. They didn't notify my parents at all until I told them about it two years after. One of the teachers even told me that I had friend issues and that it was my fault that he was like that. I believed her.

I lost my innocence throughout these moments in my childhood and not until recently have I realised that none of this was my fault. That none of this was something that was justly invoked by me. I'm struggling still and I often had panic attacks and issues with trust. Over time my anxiety had seriously affected my lifestyle to the point where I just. Dropped out of school for a bit.

Now I'm trying to get better, seeking therapy, taking antidepressants. I'm catching up with school. It's not easy but I'm happy that I could at least sit down in the library now without freaking out and fainting. I'm gonna stop here because my heart is pounding and I am starting to feel all gross so. Yeah. I feel a little better getting this out though.