[NSFW] What's an experience you've tried really hard to forget?

Reddit is the only place I really talk about this but I feel like suicide has followed me throughout my life. It gets disjointed to talk about all of the people, their roles, but it started with my dad back in August 1985.

What do I wish I could forget? Well my stepson's suicide was horrific, telling my daughters was what I thought was the lowest point of my life. But then enter their dad's girlfriend, a beautiful fucked up mess. The one he turned to when my stepson died and ended our marriage and then when she was shown to be a mentally unstable nightmare, he fought like hell to save her since he couldn't save Nathan. She killed herself almost a year ago. He called me when he found her, right after he called 911. I don't know why I went, but the man I had loved for 9 years and shared children with needed me. So I went. It never occurred to me not to until weeks later when someone asked why I didn't just say no but even now I can't imagine not having gone. She shot herself in the head while standing in front of the bathroom mirror watching herself do it. I sent him home with friends and I stayed with the police until she was taken away.

I went home and told my children they had now lost her, someone who I saw as a symbol of loss to me had now become true loss for them. They wailed, they screamed, and it broke me. It still breaks me. Those closest to me know it's been hard. Everyone else thinks I'm a pillar of strength, a model for my children in crisis management. Ha.

The next day her family, who weren't local, needed someone to meet the cleaning crew. I felt like I had already seen things and my ex husband was so traumatized, I offered to handle it. So the final thing I try to forget? Learning that blood seeps through hardwood floors when it sits. I walked in and the pool of blood was...missing. Not fully missing by any means, but not there the way it had been, the congealed mass of dark red was replaced by flakes of brown. It had gone through the floors and into the crawl space below.

tl;dr - Please don't commit suicide. You get to find peace and everyone else spends their entire lives trying to find theirs.

/r/AskReddit Thread