(NT) we talk about everything, but talking about getting into the bedroom is the most difficult!

So I have reach a impass with the ASD guy I have been seeing, we have been friends since 2006. I have had a crush on him since then and back then we had been a friends for a year and I became single half way though that year and I ask him out. He told me he was not ready for that type of relationship and he saw me as a friend. Earlier this year I became single again and I keeo him on Facebook and spend time with him once an awhile over the years but we always chatted. I ask him out on a date for coffee, and we have been seeing each other since then, back in sept. I got a job five provinces way from him for two moths we talked and skyped every night we talked about everything. I learned so much about him and his ASD. He learned so much about me, and that I needed to give him time and the space to go at his pace if this relationship would ever happen. We have been going on Great ish since I have gotten back ( hugs, time, kisses, and hand holding..) Ok so he has asked for us to just be friends, the stress of "dating" is to much for him... But we keep hugging a little kissing abit and hand holding... That's fine, he is so wrapped up in working about not being able to give me the style and type of future he think I want...

But now we had a really bad week his stress from the holidays and from work was off the charts the last two weeks, and in the last week he became cold and standoffish, and he asked for some space ( of which I was happy to do) he knew he was hurting me and upsetting me... Final after a week had gone by he told me we need to talk. He told me he was sorry for being that way. And that he thinks that he needs more predictable and steady plans like only seeing each other for now Saturday nights... ( of which I was happy to agree to that.)

But he want to talk more he really need to be friends and that we need to define more of what we are doing.... ( I am fine with friends if need be ) But is this push and pull normal... Is this the life I am choosing if I am seeing him. I get that my asking if we could do more gave him lots of anxiety. That's my fault.

I want to be part of his life , and I get that my touchy feely is scary to him and he understand with my poly life I get my touch feely with other people I am seeing so I truly need less from him and he is good with it and I know this because he and I share a good friend and that good friend told me that he though i would be an idea gf because if that ....

Is this normal, he told me he is cares for me and he likes me but the rest is much harder to feel like love, sexual attracting he feel nothing. But he has told me that he like when we kiss, it feel good and that he likes the naughty pictures I sent to him. And he could see him self doing more with me far in the future. But it feel like it is become more complicated, and I am fearful that I am making it all worse. I am trying not to be hurt about that and that I tried to tell him it takes time to feel these things and from my research it even takes much much longer for someone like him.

I understand that I can care for him till I am blue in the face, but all this is up to him I know I cant change him or fix him or make him fight against his own anxieties and thoughts. Is this normal, for someone like him... Am I messing all this up should I just make all this stop and just put my foot down and say we should do nothing anymore and just be his friend... Or should I just ask him to give me a blue print on what he needs for now and fallow them. I feel so alone, and I have spent years wanting this man and now I know all the info and I still want him. This is so scary and frustrating. I am truly hoping you will be able to give me some insights and things I don't know about... Thanks ~Naomi

/r/aspergers Thread