When I was raped, I was 29 and already widowed. I never expected something like this to happen to me. My guard was down. I felt like an old lady (being widowed does that to you) and I had been married throughout my 20s so noone bothered me. I was never hit on. No one ever approached me. I didn't think that I needed to watch my drink. That's just something I didn't think about. I was wearing pants, flip flops, a tank top, and a hoodie. Showing no skin. Not out on a date. Not out to party. Just a quick drink in a town I used to live in. Not several.
I remember going to the bathroom and coming out. My drink was already waiting for me. I remember getting overwhelmingly fucked up after that one drink to the point that I had to be assisted in walking out of the bar. The rapist even cracked jokes with the guy at the door about my condition despite me having walked in perfectly fine not 30 minutes prior. This is where I blacked out.
So when I woke up the next morning in this stranger's bed, I was so ashamed. How could I have been so dumb? Surely this didn't just happen, right? I was embarrassed. How did I let this happen? I put myself on this position, I felt. (Victims, you never put yourself in that position. This is just how I felt in that moment.)
After a day of disbelief passed and as the bruises started to get darker on my body, I decided that I needed to go to the hospital. Not for me, but to protect the next girl.
I was in a city I didn't live in and I was late to return home, but this is important.
When I walked in, I asked for a rape kit to be done. The ER was slam packed and the nurses told me to drive across town because the health department would be a better option for me and they wouldn't be as busy.
Well, okay... I guess so.
So I drove there. I asked for a rape kit. The health department told me that they didn't do rape kits. They said I needed to go straight to Labcorp/a lab. ....what? I said, "I need a doctor's order for labs. I can't just walk in." They told me that I could for something like this. I knew this was wrong, but she was so certain and confident and I was vulnerable.
It took all of my strength to go to the ER, then I had to go to the health department, and now I was supposed to go to a third place.
So I went to Labcorp. I walk in shaking and crying. I've needed help for hours at this point and no one gave a shit. I asked for a rape kit and just as predicted, they told me they can't do that. I broke down.
I felt defeated and let down. I was late to return to my home 4 hours away. No one would help me. Do I go back to the ER just to be told to go somewhere else again because they were so busy? Even if they could see me, do I sit there for 12+ hours waiting to be seen. The clock was already ticking and concrete evidence was already getting weaker. I'm shaking and crying in my car.
I text someone I thought was my best friend. I told her what happened. I needed support.
I had sent her a picture of the rapist the previous day saying that I was just going to grab a quick drink with this dude, not as a date, before I left town.
Her response to me being raped was, "You should be happy that a hot guy wanted to fuck you."
That was it. The cherry on top. I had no support from any of the four sources I was strong enough to tell my story to. I was shaking and crying and in that moment, it felt like I had nowhere to go but home.
Imagine my surprise when I find out that guy is now a bartender.
What do I do?! How do I stop this?? I have no proof. I was failed at every step.
This is how people don't go to the police and end up writing reviews. We want to warn other women but what can we do? There's no evidence, no proof, but it happened.
What do I do? How many women had he raped since then?
If it took this long for Cosby's women to coordinate and get strong enough to come out, there's no way I could organize with my rapist's other victims.
That's it. He got what he wanted. It was stolen from me. There will be no justice. There's nothing I can do.
Believe victims. Please.