Nurses of Reddit, what is your "I don't get paid enough for this." story?

I was working as a security guard at a university dorm. Pretty easy shifts for the most part: I would do a patrol through the grounds a couple of times each hour, and man the front desk for the rest of the time. I was to enforce college rules (i.e no drinking after 10pm) and make sure no trespassers caused any trouble. Mostly I studied in my off time, because the kids were pretty well behaved. I was paid surprisingly well for this work, but it still wasn't enough for what I had to do this night.

But college students will be college students. One night I've been at work for maybe an hour, I'm doing a round of the grounds and I notice that one of the houses (annexed to the main dorms, but separate and kind of out of the way) has the front door wide open. So I went to lock the building and make sure no one was in there that shouldn't be.

As I get to the front door this horrid stench just hits me. I immediately gagged, and I hadn't even made it inside. So, covering my face as best as I can, I venture in to find the source. Well, it didn't take long to discover the trail of human shit leading from the kitchen to one of the rooms. It was like a giant feces covered slug had decided to mark its territory after chowing down on $30 worth of taco bell. Gagging all the way, I found the actual culprit was a student who had passed out face down and half on his bed, with his pants around his knees. The trail of shit clearly lead up to this guy's uncovered ass hole.

I eventually woke him up and forced him into the shower, balled up the sheet he had apparently tried to use as toilet paper and threw it in the washing machine, and began to spread chemical cleaner across the alcohol-induced enema that covered the floor. None of that (aside from making sure he was ok) was actually my job but I didn't want his roommates coming home and slipping in the effluent he'd decided to decorate with. The entire time I could not help but think "I don't get paid enough for this shit".

I think the worst part, aside from the smell, was that he confided in me that this was not the first time this had happened. This was around about the time that I was putting him in the recovery position and watching him drift off to sleep.

TL;DR I had to clean up a 15ft trail of vomit inducing diarrhea that lead to a drunk asshole's asshole.

/r/AskReddit Thread