NAL so please confirm with one. I hope you have her threats of calling your commander and "threatening" going to court unless you pay X in writing. If not, ask her again for confirmation. Sounds like she's bordering on extortion since she's asking for 6k+"damages" without going through a legal route. Even if that isn't the case, I don't imagine a judge would look kindly on it. But yeah, sounds like unless you roll over and take a no-contest divorce or you scare her somehow, you're going to court anyway to deal with separating your property (car, dogs, you got lucky on the house). Make sure you get a bank account separate from a joint account and put your paychecks in there. Do NOT drain any joint accounts, but DO keep a detailed list of expenditures that come out of the joint account and who used it (I suggest you don't unless absolutely necessary). Keep a journal with dates of any contact with her and what was discussed. Save any texts externally and print out the mean ones when court time comes. If you live in a single-party state, you could record your conversations without her permission if you like. Make sure to pull any receipts for property that was exclusively purchased for you not the household. The car sounds like it's a household car (i.e. she uses it too) so you'll probably have to split it up somehow (someone gets it, the other pays value of X or gets Y in exchange). Basically follow a couple main rules for your lifestyle before divorce is done 1) Keep track of money and property 2) Minimal contact with her and No contact that cannot be recorded somehow (writing is best, journal works too) 3) Prepare for war. Protect yourself. Consult with a lawyer (first consultation shouldn't be expensive, sometimes it's free) but you don't need to pay a retainer yet. Lucky for you there's no kids otherwise this would become very complicated very fast in court.