Right there with you. The most I ever got any affection from anyone was when I was younger & thinner, back when I was naive & still had some hope, but even then no relationship exceeded 7 months before betrayal became prevalent from my partner. That on top of my family making it abundantly clear throughout my life that I always come last to literally anyone else has convinced me I am merely someone you must tolerate existing. I've never been able to build bonds with other people well anyways... I'm just gonna be that crazy animal lady one day & if I should die alone as I expect, I should hope they don't waste me. At least in the end my life will always have been worth something to them.