The same is expected of men. The same messaging is pushed to boys who are taught that they must be dominant, powerful, and tough in order to be valued by the opposite sex and there are plenty of pop cultural examples of that. In Back to the Future McFly's mom doesn't give George the time of day and says he's too weak and submissive until he punches the bully in the mouth. Almost all male leads in action movies or rom coms are ripped, stoic, tall, and handsome. The same expectations of physical perfection are pushed on men too. Female characters ogling men with muscles and so on. Men are taught that our worth to women is based in looks, dominance, boldness, and competency.

At the end of the day people are self serving actors. Both and men and women alike are valued and judged, at least to some extent, as resources. The care that men can show towards women is almost always predicated to some extent on what value she can offer when it comes to sex, emotional comfort, dependency, and validation. Same is true with how women value men.

I don't think the sort of interest and care that arises from romantic pair bonding is ever truly independent of self interest. Relationships are almost always predicated on sex and role fulfillment and most of the complaints people voice on here are related to that.