Suffered a physical injury recently and the being trapped inside brought on some depression - I guess just being trapped with my thoughts. Started to feel a kind of profound loneliness. Bf very supportive, holding me while I cried etc. Then realised a couple of days ago that what I really needed was just a big deep chat - not about anything in particular, just one of those rambly conversations where you talk for hours. My bf came home and I told him I'd realised I actually just wanted to be really close to him. He went 'aw' and gave me a hug, but when we actually started to talk he became uncomfortable because it's kinda hard to have a deep conversations without talking about emotions at some point (you know, how do you feel about x? Are you enjoying y?) and he quickly spiralled into a very distressed state. I guess I hadn't realised somehow, over the last ten months, but talking about anything that he feels (about anything) triggers a flood of emotion. I gave him a hug and soothed him for a couple of hours. He got better more quickly than usual and seemed ok again. The next day, I tried talking again but this time about something I thought was a little shallower. He'd seemed a little frustrated with his step-dad so I asked if he was feeling frustrated with his step dad. Same thing happens. He tells me he has come to understand that I feel close to people by sharing emotions and that's not how he usually does things and he finds it very difficult. I ask him if he wants emotional closeness and he says he's never done it before so he doesn't understand the benefits but he wants to try. Then got upset that he couldn't "meet my needs". He booked a doctor's appointment to talk about his mental health.
Feel so conflicted. On the one hand, he seems genuinely invested in my wellbeing and he can't help feeling the way he feels; on the other, this is very basic stuff and I'm trying to imagine how it's possible for someone to reach their 30s without anyone ever asking you how you feel about something. Also, he's entirely capable of telling me how he feels about me. On yet another hand, I sometimes feel a little manipulated when he talks about it being about "my needs" and how bad he feels that he can't "give me what I want" because it honestly just makes me feel like I'm torturing him.
The only conclusion I've come to right now is that I want to just focus on hanging out with my friends and doing my own thing until I'm feeling better because I'm not feeling in a fit state to do much clear thinking right now. I'm not going to try to talk to him about this because it just makes him worse and then I feel like a monster. I can't help feeling disappointed. How do I always, always manage to find myself in complicated relationships when all I want is something simple?