Get it off your chest. What are you feeling stressed or shitty about?

I have trouble relating to people. I'm always afraid of oversharing, of being rejected, of being disappointed. I lie about my past just to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes just the raw data by itself is oversharing. I don't want people to know about how shitty my childhood was. I don't want them to feel obligated to pretend like they give a shit. I don't want them to know about the things I did when I was younger to cope with those situations. So I lie and I conform to the cover story. I don't owe anyone the truth. I don't anyone a goddamn thing.

I'm not prepared for any kind of emotional intimacy but I do need to get laid. So l do get laid, but it's because I have a FWB situation with an ex. Naturally there is this foundation of feelings and history below the surface and I know the whole arrangement is unhealthy. I know it but I keep going back. I know we're putting off an inevitable goodbye. I know it's making things worse. I should meet someone else, but I can't. I work too much and I'm emotionally unavailable. How would I even market myself in that situation? And do I even want to? It's unavoidable that we still have feelings for each other. If I leave, I will just be abandoning her. But I'm going to leave at some point anyway. There's a multitude of reasons why we can't have a future.

To be brutally honest--the kind of honesty I can only express anonymously--I legitimately plan on abandoning my old life and moving somewhere where no one knows me. I'm going to delete FB, change numbers, and just live. It's just a matter of time and money. I have a plan set up and in motion. That's why I work so often; I'm buying a new life. I have a lot of guilt about this, too, but my friends and the remaining bit of family that I do have will find a way to move on. They'll be better off. They might not realize it at first, but they will someday. That is all the hope I have left.

/r/AskReddit Thread