Thankyou, Your words mean so much to me, thank you. My life has been going downhill since the past few months, waves of depression and anxiety, my eating disorder has been getting worse and i feel so alone and unwanted. My best friend, to whom i used to tell every single thing without any shame or fear of judgement, has stopped listening to me, they snap at me whenever i try bringing it up, getting annoyed even if i mention the slightest bit of what ive been going through,which has lead to shame and guilt, so I've been keeping in my feelings and thoughts. A month has gone by since I've talked to anybody about my life(or anything for that matter) Everytime I've tried opening up to my other friends about this I'm consumed with shame and guilt. And i just don't. I keep it in, i push everyone away. When i need their support the most. I know people want the old me back, when i wasnt such a mess, when i was happier and alive. Believe me i want that person back as well, I'm tired of putting up a facade. But does that mean I'm unlovable right now? As i am? I'm coping how i see fit, is that too selfish of me? It sure does seem so... My body is getting weaker and my mind is getting bleaker, nobody seems to notice. Nobody at home notices, i feel so alone, I'm withering away.
I just needed to get this out in the world, im tired of carrying this burden all the time, this guilt, this fear, this shame. I'm sick of it. I know it's all my fault for not having the courage overcome this, i know it's all my fault im in this state. I just hope people forgive me.