Hey to both of you!, I don't normally chime in on these sort of topics but this one struck a cord with me and although I mean no disrespect, I really just want to give you a different perspective.
Before I begin I want to tell you both that like your daughter I am also 23 years of age, and as such this post frustrated me but also made me think it would help to hear the point of view from someone that is living this age period day to day. The first issue is your respect for your daughter, and I know you've both been berated for this but I want to try to hit you both from a humanism side. As an individual, the experiences I've had through my life are what make me who I am, including my sexual encounters.
If you are reading this together, I want you both to look at each other and think about when you were both 21-23. Im sure you both can remember some great and some really bad times that you went through for whatever reason, whether they were sexual or not. Now these experiences helped shape you as people, sex as a whole helps shape us as people, and its one of the leading factors for us as people. I would say our sexuality is in more ways than one, our identity, and it is our main purpose as a species.
We don't want her to have an opportunity to bring a guy over to have sex with in our home, and it would be too easy if we were out the whole night.
I can guarantee you both that 95% your daughter is no longer a virgin. I say that because for our generation, sex is an important factor in finding a partner. You have sex in the initial few steps of getting to know someone, to make sure you vibe, to make sure they understand who you are and most importantly to make sure they are appropriate for you to pass off your genetics. Her little trips to stay at friends houses were a 110% her staying at a boys house, and Im sure you both were aware of that but let her go because you knew she needed to learn, so If thats the case I say 'Thank you' on her behalf.
As you stand now, you are living your life on the traditions and cultures that you were both brought up with in your respective time periods, and although there is nothing wrong with that per-say, your lack to progress with time is the issue. You both as you stand, are relics of the past. Your traditions and rules may work for both of you, but they just dont work for society today. From what I read in your post, it sounds like your daughter is extremely respectful when living at home, however your constant need to control and disregard her as an equal when she is a GROWN ADULT is really really concerning. It is this lack of respect that is probably killing her motivation and confidence to get new work or move out.
I have come across plenty friends in my short life who have parents similar to you two, and the constant underlining theme for all of them, is that they hate/resent their parents. Whether its a repressed hatred or an obvious one. You not allowing for your daughter to explore what makes her who she is, is alarming, it will become a domino effect that can influence each part of her life. When she finally makes a connection (if she hasn't already) how will she grow with that person if shes at step 0, how will she grow in her work, career and education if the confidence and understanding that she would get by exploring arent there to support her. She will be confused, uncertain and resentful.
If you both want to get the respect you expect when it comes to intimacy then its a two way street. You are no longer Parents and Daughter, you are three adults sharing a house. You sit down with her, show some human decency and be the fucking parents you should be. You tell her that she deserves to have privacy and freedom for her sexuality and in turn you would like the same. You tell her that no matter what happens you will support her and always be there for her if she needs to confide in you. If you compromise and set one night each where the other party is out of the house for some time, It doesn't even have to be overnight.
You both need to rethink the way you look at your daughter, because as you stand now, you both don't deserve to have intimacy, because you're denying another adult that same right. If I were under your roof, I would leave as fast as I could. Goodluck.