Well, I doubt I'd ever feel like I'm worth having as anything other than a colleague, let alone actually pursuing a significant other, but that's a separate conversation. At least I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone.

The AF is the only fulfilling thing in my life. And somewhat by choice, I've made it the only thing people know about me. And when people see me do something well, it creates a feedback loop that plunges me further down the rabbit hole.

Every significant relationship I've had in the past 10 years was started when I was a ROTC cadet, and have fizzled out because ROTC was the only common interest we shared. I could always help with a Reg citation, or how to do a parade, but nobody wants to listen to you repeat inside jokes from an obscure Canadian news quiz. Not two weeks into training, my class decided my callsign was going to be based on the fact I read flight publications as a child, and still do.

So why bother with a family? My parents have a grandchild who will be staying close to the nest for a while, my dad's probably going to eat himself to a heart attack, and I can't get stationed anywhere near them for at least the next five years. I might as well invest my sad, sorry life into something that's going to get me at least some return on investment rather than crashing and burning over drunken attempt at a relationship. I've managed to be alone for a quarter century, and could probably squeeze out another 20 before withdrawing to nothingness.