On mental health

I imploded hard on Sunday evening. Ended up missing 2 days of work because I was having panic attacks, couldn't stop drinking, it was really ugly. I also suffer from a history of alcohol abuse.

Anyway, I'm not trying to justify my actions, but coming back to work after taking 2 days of unplanned PTO sucks. Everyone has been cool and no one has asked about it, but I've played this game before and eventually you start getting the "We care about you" talks and such.

I wish I could just break down with my boss and tell him everything. But then every single thing you ever do gets viewed through the "is he struggling again" lens, and I don't want that.

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