Sorry to wait so long to give details but here goes. I admit that there is way more to this than just the vacation aspect and my thoughts are all over the place. If this is unclear let me know and I will be more than happy to try to explain better.
My husband is an amazing man and I love him dearly. We have been together for 7 years and married for 3 years. We never argue unless it involves his mother.
MIL has not remarried since she divorced husbands father about 20 years ago. My husband was the only child that had to live with her but moved out 15 years ago for college and to be an adult. Since we have been together I feel that she is always needing him to come down to fix this and that around her house (the fence, the lawn, remodeling rooms) We have our own house to fix up but that comes secondary to her needs. This past Mother's Day he asked me if it would be ok for him to go down to her house to fix some things. I told him that I would really like it if he could stay at our house but invite her up. He could go the following weekend to fix whatever. He agreed and I thought that was that. The day before Mother's Day she made a stink about all the things that 'needed' to be done and husband dutifully packed up and went to her house. My husband really wants to make everyone happy but I think he is being guilted into spending time with her. I honestly don't give a shit if he spends time with her but I feel like she wants it to be perfectly clear that she is his number one lady. She is one of those women that call her fully grown adult son her 'baby','little boy','little man' (Barf). It feels like her needs and feelings always come before mine.
Last week was 5 years since I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Needless to say we lost the baby and because of the extent of damage and my previous medical history I can no longer conceive. This time of the year is devastating for me because it's a reminder that I will never be able to give him children. Yes we weighed out our options and after years of going back and forth about adoption and donors we decided we were ok with just us and my son from a previous relationship. I am more than content without having anymore kids but that doesn't cancel out my heartache from losing our baby 5 years ago. That day is always difficult for me but worse this year because guess where my husband was...his moms. I don't know if he forgot the day or if he just doesn't care. I truly don't know which would make me angrier.
Ok ok ok now onto the vacation thing. My husband and I both agreed that it would be beneficial for us to go on mini vacations without the kiddo because we need to have time to ourselves to reconnect. Lately we haven't been connecting at all. Our nights are spent in front of the tv or on our phones. I'm not the wife that wants him to ask permission to hang out with his friends but I can't help but feel rejected when he has weekly plans with my brother in law (my sisters husband) or plans to do things for his mother. He has even planned and paid for 'man-cations' with his buddies. But when he told me that he is thinking of taking his mom on vacation instead of me I can't help but feel like he doesn't want to be with me. After last week without a call or text I don't even think my feelings matter to him.
Like I said we never fight unless it involves his mom. I feel like she has raised him to be the perfect husband...for her