One of the best notes I've ever received from a pro screenwriter -- and he didn't even read my script.

Here’s the best example I can give without the context of the whole script. Since this scene has two characters and a tiny bit of “action,” it probably makes more sense. This was 1/3 if a page beforehand. Now it’s a little over one.

Sorry for the formatting - doing this on my phone.

INT. TUNNEL - SECONDS LATER

Bentley splashes up to where Elizabeth still stands by the corner --

                BENTLEY
      What's wrong?

He turns, looks down the tunnel, and sees what she does: A SHOWER OF SPARKS rains down from the escape hatch not fifty feet away.

For a brutal moment, they stand side-by-side and stare.

Elizabeth slumps against the wall. It's damp, mildewed, and cobwebbed, but none of that even registers.

ELIZABETH That was it, Bentley. That was the other way out.

Bentley says nothing, just continues to stare ahead, clutching his laptop -- his life's work -- now all but worthless.

ELIZABETH FUCK YOU!

BANG! -- Elizabeth fires a shotgun round at the trap door. It kind of hits. It doesn't matter. There's a reason the people outside need a lance.

The sparks stop for a moment.

A bit of molten metal drips.

Elizabeth lets out an enraged SCREAM.

And then she stops. Rests her head against the wall. Done.

BENTLEY Come on.

He takes a step down the tunnel, but Elizabeth remains frozen in place.

BENTLEY Elizabeth.

                ELIZABETH
      What's the point, Bentley?


                BENTLEY
      I would like to survive and find a way to salvage one of the greatest scientific achievements of all time.
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