Our Collapse isn't sudden or uniform

I get ya. I've got pretty decent social skills but at your age I had terrible social anxiety, and was pretty self-centered and generally just awkward as fuck. Working retail helped get better at it. It takes time to acquire experience. Even so, at the last shitty job I had a girl ask me "you look crazy. do you know you look crazy?" It didn't bother me too much, she was young and not trying to be rude, she was just ignorant. I've been doormat to people, but there's a line I've never let anyone cross, and when I've been taken advantage of, nothing of value was lost. However I've made horrible mistakes and lost friends I dearly loved. It's important to learn from mistakes, and not give up if you keep making them. Cut yourself slack and don't give in to black and white thinking. I'm a peice of shit, but I'm also one of the kindest people I've ever met. My life right now is one of very little means (and I've been having collapse themed dreams which means I must really believe it is happening and accelerating), but I also have a fucking A-1 top shelf indefatigable optimistic but realistic attitude. Not optimist that any of the most dire predictions of social and environmental collapse can be avoided, but optimist that people will start coming together more and more and form resilient networks and homesteads. I mean, total revolution would be cool too. That's been a dream of mine since I was like 12. Maybe Cascadia will secede, who knows. Maybe somehow I'll find myself with some good people in a holler in the Ozarks. I dont know but I didn't survive 25 years of suicidal depression to just eat a bullet. Ya know? Shit, I have one person relying on me and if not for them I would be vagabonding again, wandering, searching, and happy as a pig in shit to do it. Idk I'm rambling

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