Our main abuser apologized and we don’t know how to feel

I agree with that statement when it refers to adults, and children/youth who perpetrated beyond re-enactments of their own trauma and/or who perpetrated abuse with no background of trauma. I agree. I rarely feel any kind of optimism about such apologies, and they usually feel like a way to dodge responsibility/guilt, especially if there’s social pressure for the survivor to stay quiet.

In general, referring to children who abused other children as perps on a DID Reddit where there may be many other survivors here who were either hurt by other children or they themselves hurt other children can be extremely triggering, especially if the latter occurred in a context where said child did not have a choice or very little choice over the abusive actions they took. COCSA survivor stories often deal with human trfficking, child prn, and/or organized abuse, ESPECIALLY in a DID context.

Calling COCSA survivors who have abused, harmed, or mutually engaged in inappropriate sexual behaviors with another child/youth in childhood/adolescence (i.e have not abused in adulthood)—calling them a perp really misunderstands child/youth psychology and can be really damaging.

Idk I just wanted to share because none of the children who hurt me or I hurt had any choice in doing so as it involved the above mentioned kinds of abuse and always involved adults present or adults giving suggestions/commands behind scenes. However, what matters is how OP feels about it, because everyone’s story is different. Even if the COSCA person who harmed felt that it only reached the threshold of being sexually inappropriate, the COCSA survivor could have experienced it as completely abusive. And, the latter survivor’s perspective would be more important to hold as the truth. A therapist might try to work with the COCSA “abuser” to help them realize the impact of their actions as indeed abusive.

Idk I’ve switched and worried this whole txt comes across mean af. I guess what “we’re” trying to share is like… there might some littles on here reading this and idk COSCA is rlly complicated. And I hear some littles crying inside.

This is like pointless and taking away from OP which is totally my b and not yours. Ima post the comment cuz I feel like our protector was tryna say something but mostly just hope ur night is filled with peace.

/r/DID Thread Parent