Own Your Shit Weekly - May 15, 2018

OYS #1

I'm 34 years old, in a LTR for 8 years now, she's 34 as well. We have a 10 month old boy. About 170 lbs and 5ft10.

About 5 years into the relationship she more or less cheats on me and attributes it to lack of intimacy. We decide to work on it and it gets better for a while. We buy a house and she gets pregnant. Intimacy slowly drips off and eventually sex completely ends for 18 fucking months. No intercourse in a year and a half. I work, take care of the house and the kid, pretty much just doing the motions and rest of the time drown myself into video games. We get along pretty much fine with some passive aggression thrown into the mix.

A bit more than a month ago I wake up. Realize what the state of my life and relationship with her is. I bring it up and she says that she's pretty much accepted at this point that 'this is just the way it is'. I tell her things are gonna change.

I stumble into r/deadbedrooms/ and consequently to TRP and this subreddit. I sell all my gaming equipment and start owning my shit, taking care of the house trying to avoid covert contracts. I've had a gym membership for a few years but never had any ambition or goals, now started to lift heavy 3 times a week in the mornings, still weak as fuck. Not in terrible shape visually though. PT appointments coming up. Ordered supplements. Bought new clothes and started taking better care of visual appearance. I do cardio at least 1-2 times a week. Seeing friends more, trying not to drink much beer here because it seems to really hit my energy levels.

Read NMMNG, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, started on WISNIFG. Planning on getting MMSLP and MAP next.

Work is satisfactory, I'm a specialist in my line of work and doing a subspecialty program. Respected and skilled. Not really my dream job though but whatever. I earn more than twice compared to her. She's at home with the kid for now.

In the initial talks she told me that she's never lost respect but she doesn't feel the intimacy and desire anymore. I know that's mostly due to me being a beta bitch. Regardless, sex is back now up to 3-5 times a week, me initiating every time and doing most of the work, not really feeling her enthusiasm. It's been this way most of the relationship though. I've introduced kino which she pretty scarcely returns. She doesn't want to break up, I asked her why and she told me because of the kid and that she doesn't want all this time to have been for nothing. I told her that those reasons are weak and implied that I'm ready to separate. We decided to try to improve on ourselves and see what happens for now.

Had a few good weeks but this weekend we're at her parents and she's stressed out for meeting her goddaughter and her mom. Lashes out at me out of the blue and I tell her to keep in line, pre red pill I would've tried to comfort her and end up butthurt, but not anymore. Later that day she comfort tests me for being distant, I think I slip a bit too much into DEERing and explain that I want to keep my emotions separate. She tells me she understands.

However, pretty much the whole following day she's distant, doesn't make eye contact, acts cold. Being the beta bitch I am I enter her frame and confront her later that night before going to bed, demanding an explanation. She tries to avoid the discussion but finally ends up telling me that some days she just doesn't 'feel me' without any particular reason. I tell her that she's welcome to have her feelz but I can't accept her treating me like shit or air and that she can depend on me being an oak every fucking day. She thinks for a second and then jumps me, we have good sex. Not sure what to think about that interaction at least considering OI.

GOALS

Lift, read, work on my frame. STFU more. Have fun with her and my boy. I'm a little worried that I'm dealing with an alpha widow (never met her previous LTR, which most likely was a high chemistry / low compatibility - type from what I've gathered) and that true desire is gonna be hard to attain, but not much there to do than to work on myself. I'm already seeing some reaction from her regarding my paradigm shift, she's planning on taking on swimming again. I'm in in for the long haul, giving the relationship time at least till the end of the year, trying to restrain myself from going Rambo.

/r/marriedredpill Thread