OYS #1
38yo, 188cm, 75kg, BF ~15%, wife 36yo, 2 kids 6(f) & 2(f), ltr 20y, maried 9y.
Discovered RP a little over a month ago and it resonated with me instantly though some aspects were and still are hard to swallow.
Reading NMMNG, SGM + various sidebar material.
Physical Apart from bad knees I'm in good shape. Not lifting, but working out with a HIIT routine with kettlebells I've been doing on and off for several years. It's effective, I just need to keep at it and increase the kettlebell size. I like this routine. Food is healthy, but want to cut out more white carbs and stop the random sugar binging.
Mental A lot of NMMNG is spot on. I almost always try to anticipate what people expect of me and deliver on that. So I can be perceived as nice, polite and friendly and not doing anything wrong. This probably stems from being ridiculed on a few occasions as child.
On the other hand when it comes to for instance music I love to go against the grain, but starting to see this as a weak ass "look at me I'm so special" validation moves. Yeah, I'm the guy that adds a 13 minute drone metal track to the office party playlist and gets butthurt when everybody hates it. Weak!
I was a bright kid in school so I quickly learned that no or minimal effort was required. This has turned me into a huge procrastinator and given me a things will fix themselves mentality. I used to be proud of this attitude, but starting to see this a huge problem that leaves my life run by other people and random chance. Also a lot of stuff never gets finished around the house. I now try to fix stuff right away and then STFU. Meditation is also an obvious antidote.
On top of this I absolutely suck at going to bed and getting up early. Having kids means this doesn't run amok, but most mornings I am stressing to get the kids ready for daycare. Wife has a long commute so she leaves early in the morning and then picks up the kids in the afternoon.
Relationship Sexlife is nonexistant. I can count the times we've had sex since we had our youngest daughter on one hand. Fucked her last week after pressurering her. No begging, just kept smiling, teasing her and laughing at her excuses. It wasn't great sex, but it was. Did think too much instead of just enjoy it for what it was. Sex has never really been frequent. We had a once a week schedule running when we wanted kids which I loved and my stupid betabrain thought we could return to after she had given birth. Covert contract much? Needless to say that has been out of the question. But this is all on me. I've been needy and previously tried to negotiate desire. I practise IO and so far doing fine.
Shit tests are rare (or maybe I just don't spot them and fail miserably). I've noticed a lot of compliance tests and struggle a bit with them. I find it hard not to do the small favours she asks me, like make her a cup of coffee when I'm making a cup for myself. But spotting these and pushing back. Also sometimes try to reframe them as something coming from me. I feel there's a thin red line here. I don't want to be an asshole (all the time).
Started low level dread almost day one and saw a response a few days after when wife out of the blue asked me about local fitness options. This could have been random, but she has since followed through and started attending spinning classes and working out at home.
Kids The kids are great and I love spending time with them, swimming, gymnastics, biking. They push all my buttons like kids do and I sometimes loose my temper. I should practise AM and STFU with them as well (in a kid-friendly way of course). More smiles and laughter. Don't be angry dad.
Work I am good at what I do, but procrastinating way to much. I did finish some certifications that our company needed, but immediately sought validation like momma's little boy. Weak. Also want a raise, but I need to demonstrate more effeciency and leadership. I need to pick 2-3 things every day and get that shit done. No excuses.
Social I play indoor hockey once a week which I love. Gets me out of the house. And she knows there is no negotiating this. On top of this I usually meet with friends once or twice a month for beers, music or other shenanigans. She rarely shittests me for this, but she probably knows my betastink will keep other women away. I need to work on this.
So I guess i came for the get laid tactics, but stayed for the male improvement.
Thats it. Rip me apart, I need it.