OYS#3

48yo 5’10” 200 20% (was over 30% at 234 so an estimate), 47yo wife, 3 kids 21, 19,18

Already Read

RM, RM2, MAP, MMSLP, NMMNG, BPP, WWWWTTM

Reading

WISNIFG, Rereading AND doing all the NMMNG Exercises

Physical

Been having some approach avoidance re squats the last few weeks as they are getting more difficult, but the last workout yesterday at 215 5x5 went great - probably the best squat workout in years and looking forward to 225 on the bar this Friday. My previous best was 275x8 so looking forward to smash through that.

Squat 5x5 215

Bench 5x5 130

Deadlift 1x5 240

Over head Press5x5 107.5

Bent Row 5x5 150

Ended up missing a workout last Monday but got back on track Wed and Fri. It was the ONLY workout I missed in 12 weeks, but it may have helped my recovery.

My OHP has stalled as I failed twice now with 107.5 - best was 5,5,5,4,2

Everything else still going up although Bent Row getting close to max. Bench has a long way to go as it’s still easy but I am not skipping ahead.

2 weeks ago, I briefly hit 198lbs in bodyweight (down 36lbs), but have hovered between 200-202 since. I think part of the reason is I have let alcohol come back into my diet and need to get most of it out again, and/or some muscle gain.

I am aiming for a body weight around 180lbs.

Mental

I was banned for 2 weeks based on OYS # 2 and it was cringe-worthy to re-read what I wrote. I was entirely in my wife’s frame.

Tears stopped day after OYS # 2 on March 25 but I think it was some sort of grieving I was going through, finally realizing my wife was not necessarily the person I thought she was, and also how badly I fucked up all these years, and my mind was clouded with Oneitis and certainly Pedestialization.

I had to go through this pain in the short term to come out better on the other side.

I realized I needed to double down on NMMNG and re-read and do ALL the exercises, which I started doing over the past few weeks. Also, been watching many of Rian Stones videos which have been very helpful.

I have been constantly repeating to myself STFU, DNGAF and I am the prize. I know most of my issues all these years were from validation seeking constantly, and not truly believing I was the prize. I think I suffered (and still do to a degree) from imposter syndrome.

I have also been keeping track and listing out covert contracts I have as soon as I recognize them.

Lastly, I have started thinking about ME, and what my life would look like after a divorce, listing it all out and what I want, and to be honest, the possibilities are starting to look good as I still have a lot of life to live.

Also read a few other books recommended to me - The State of Affairs, Practical Female Psychology, The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Undercover Sex Signals, and Mating in Captivity - all excellent and gave me new perspectives.

Business

Working on a deal right now with a new client that if it closes, it’s close to $30k profit.

Also had another client (not my favourite), try to buy us out of a contract we have with them. At first I thought about it for a few days, but then I came to my senses and said no way (I am not under any obligation to do so and it doesn’t make business sense), and now they are going to renew the contract we’ve had going for 3 years, and likely has no end in sight - they CANNOT easily replace us and can’t do the work without us. It’s a small client for us, but about $300k a year in revenue.

I need to focus on new business for us as a lot of the deals we had going died due to COVID-19, as well as fleshing out a couple of other similar business models to my main business to start when this is all over. But the thinking has to be done NOW as there is no better time.

Marriage

A week ago, a divorced friend of hers texted me wanted to surprise her by dropping by our house to see her at a distance due to COVID-19 and didn’t want her to know. I took that opportunity to say to her friend that wow, you guys must miss each other, when’s the last time you saw each other? She said early Feb, but my wife had claimed she had been out with her 2 additional times since based on my notes (end Feb and early March.)

Like a dummy, I confronted her about it and she denied first saying she was going to tell all her friends not to talk to me, and next by saying her friend was in menopause, that they did go out and because of menopause she just didn’t remember.

I continued talking to her, then she threatened to call the police on me, to which I laughed in her face and said I knew that that was EXACTLY what you were going to say.

That night she lay lengthwise beside me on the couch for the 1st time in years, and has done so every night since (except 1) and even changed into sexy lingerie one night. She has also had some strong hugs and the odd kiss. She has also been playful in ways I haven’t seen before, and a few days ago actually put her hand on my cock (I almost fell off the couch in shock), but it didn’t go anywhere, she is also starting to grab my ass etc.

Part of me wants to believe she is taking it slow with positive changes and maybe she has regrets. She mentioned to me this past week that one of the main reasons she married me was that when I set my mind to something, I always accomplished it, and she had hoped I would put my mind to our marriage and fix it (I never gave our marriage the focus it deserved).

I have been setting some boundaries over the past couple of months that she is respecting and apologizes to me if she crosses them (although I get shit-tested as soon as I set them). The last boundary I set took a few days to stick and she was pissed during, now apologizes EVERY time if crosses it. The funny thing is she actually says that she is getting in trouble if she crosses a boundary. This is a strong woman that I have never seen act like this.

One day last week she was having a bad day and she lost it on me while I was helping her so I left. Then she called me to help her and I left her on her own to do something physically she should not have been doing (too heavy). When I came back later, she has taken care of it on her own, but she apologized for her behaviour.

However, the new part of me believes all of this is just a cover, or maybe more Hysterical Bonding?

Goals

Work on my mission

Continue building a strong frame and realize I am the prize

Brainstorm businesses

Be the leader for the family